I'm still alive

I survived week 1 of being back at a law firm. Actually, it wasn't too bad. I've been busy, but not painfully so. Good busy. And the people are nice. It already seems like a more relaxed environment than at my old firm. The infrastructure isn't nearly as good, but what are you going to do.

It's a beautiful Saturday here, but I'm heading into the office for a little bit. Would've liked to have gone surfing this weekend and last, but I've developed, of all things, a case of shingles. Yes, shingles. It's caused by the chicken pox virus, which lives in your system forever once you've had a case of chicken pox. Usually, though, it only reactivates in old people or people with otherwise compromised immune systems. I think maybe I was more stressed about starting the new job than my conscious mind was aware.

Anyhow, it's not life-threatening or even particularly debilitating, although it is painful. Feels like I've ripped a bunch of muscles in my right side. But it's getting better. Today it feels more like someone kicked me hard a couple of times in the ribs. This by itself wouldn't stop me from surfing (I've had worse injuries), but the compromised immune system thing scares me - there are a lot of nasty bugs in the water, and if my immune system isn't up to the task right now, then I'm not going to push it. After all, I have a job to do.

Quenched

First rain of the fall. Thunder and lightning last night, too, which you don't usually get in California. I'm happy. The garden has really needed this.

Elder Brother

The parable of the elder brother never used to make sense to me. Trying to put myself in his shoes, I would try to imagine how I would feel if my younger brother or sister had returned after a long absence. I always thought I would feel more like the father - ecstatic, ready to kill the fatted calf and throw a big party. I'm very close to my brother and sister.

Of course, I was reading the parable far too literally and giving myself much too much credit for being a better person than I really am. I've realized lately just how much of the elder brother I can be.

I know a woman who has lived a rather immoral life. She's committed adultery, lied, cheated, stolen. And probably done some other questionable things. But now she goes to church, and, as far as I know, has repudiated her old ways. (At least, if not exactly remorseful, she no longer does those things.) She is remarried, has a baby, and is a stay-at-home mom.

I can't stand her and it's taken me the longest time to figure out why. She's pleasant enough. I see rather a lot of her, and, although we have very little in common, that has never prevented me from being friends with someone.

It's taken me a while to realize that what I feel towards her must be how the elder brother felt towards the younger brother when he returned. It feels something like jealousy, although it's not quite jealousy. I don't envy her peaceful life or anything in it - my own life is far too filled with blessings for me to ever envy anyone else's life. But I have to admit that I feel like it's unfair for someone who has sinned so much and so willingly to have arrived at a place so close to where I am.

Ugly, isn't it? Realizing that this is at the root of my dislike of her, I am so ashamed of myself. I haven't deserved the many blessings God has given me, either, and yet, there must be some part of me that feels like I somehow do. Like I have somehow earned what I have. But I know better than that, I do. I only hope that, now that I've gotten to the root of my own sinful thoughts towards this woman, God will help me to change.

Sea change

It was ninety-plus degrees when we left home, summer in full tilt. What a difference only a few weeks can make. We've come home to fall. A mild, beautiful, sunny, seventy-degree fall, but fall nevertheless. The maple leaves have begun to turn. Our garden is full of reds and browns and oranges. The tomato vines have begun their slow demise.

It's a change of seasons in our lives as well. I go back to work next week. Sometimes the thought scares me. Others, I just want to get it over with. How bad can it be? I've survived it once before.

Fall. It makes me nostalgic, and dreamy, and a little bit sad.

Home Sweet Home

I've been away for awhile, visiting friends, exploring new cities. It's been fun, particularly catching up with all the people we've been missing. Sometimes it's a nice surprise, getting together with an old friend after a long separation - you realize all over again all the reasons why you're friends with this person in the first place. I've been blessed to know some good people, good friends.

Still, I have to say that there's nothing like being home. Particularly now that we have a real home to come home to.

I luv NY

After only three days, we've basically covered the entire island of Manhattan. On foot, no less. (I have the blisters to prove it.) And we're having a phenomenal time. We just got back from Spamalot, which was hysterical. The husband had five hot dogs today, from Gray's Papaya and Papaya Dog, so he's a happy camper. Me, too. (Meaning, I'm also a happy camper, not that I ate five hot dogs. Please.) Both Fashion Week and the U.S. Open are taking place here right now. Fashion and tennis, two of my favorite things in the world.

Having done so much already, it's hard to believe there's more left to come. Opera and jazz and Peter Luger's and hopefully Rent.... We spent a day at the Met, and there are still the Whitney and the Guggenheim and MOMA...and on and on and on. Diehard Californians though we are, I have to admit we've been looking at each other a lot the last three days and saying, "I could live here." Not forever, of course. Probably not even for very long, since there's no real surfing out here. But for a little while. Much as I love California, I have to admit that none of its cities match this one. I'd go so far as to say that there isn't a city in the world that matches this one.