Fear and Trembling

One of the hardest things for me about surfing is my shark phobia. (As one of my East Coast, non-surfing friends once said, is it really such a good idea to dress up like a seal and paddle out to the sharks?) It's such a strong phobia that I used to sometimes get panic attacks in the water. This was not only embarrassing, it was dangerous. I am normally a fairly strong swimmer, but in the throes of a panic attack, I can barely remember how to paddle. I would thrash my way toward shore, crying and struggling to breathe.

One day while I was surfing, I saw two fins swimming close together. For I don't know how long, I was frozen, watching them. And then they leaped into the air, both of them. Dolphins. Drops of water sprang from their bodies, sparkling.

I thought of that today. I feel like I'm so afraid of so many things. I used to surf even when I was afraid, and surfing is one of the best things I do. Maybe other things of which I am afraid will prove to be as rewarding. Maybe other things of which I am afraid will prove to be as harmless as those dolphins I mistook for sharks. Although the cynic in me focuses on the insubstantiality of dreams, I should remember that nightmares are insubstantial, too.

"[F]or he who always hopes for the best becomes old, and he who is always prepared for the worst grows old early, but he who believes preserves an eternal youth." Soren Kierkegaard, Fear and Trembling.