Mourning

My paternal grandfather died yesterday. My maternal grandfather died a few months ago, in September, while I was in Italy, hours from any airport. I'm having a hard time processing my emotions. I can see how hard it is for my parents, and so what I'm feeling right now is mostly a vicarious sort of grief. I suppose my own grief will hit later on.

It was very, very hard to be away from home when my maternal grandfather died. But this feels harder, because it brings back memories from six and a half years ago, when my father's older brother died under strange and unresolved circumstances. I don't know that I've ever gotten over that. He was my favorite uncle. I still don't believe that he's gone. Everyone is flying back for the funeral, and I've caught myself a couple of times about to ask whether he was going to come too. It feels like going through his death all over again.