Could This Be Love?

I've been sick for the last week or so. Today is the first day I've felt like myself. It's a great feeling. But again, humbling to realize how much of your personality is closely tied to physical elements beyond your control.

At least part of the reason I've been sick is because I've been so stressed out. No matter how much I tell myself to just let God do His thing, I keep wanting to be in control of the situation, and to hurry up the resolutions of all the uncertainties that currently fill my life. For the last few days, I've stayed up at nights thinking about the house hunt. Looking for a house is like being in back junior high: you fall in love over and over again, only to keep getting your heart broken. And then there's the fear. What if something actually does work out? What if, by some miracle, we like a house and it likes us back? Then we're stuck, committed. The big "C" word. I'm a real commitment-phobe. I want a house, I want a house bad, but the COMMITMENT. Shudder.

Yesterday I saw a house with my broker. I didn't love the house, but I loved the neighborhood. One street over from where a friend lives. Beautiful trees, quiet streets. The house itself was okay, although on the small side. But everything else makes up for that. I fear I may have it badly this time. This may be the real thing, not just a crush. I have it so badly that it's time for the house to meet the parents. We're all going to go look at it this weekend. I don't know if I'm hoping for it to go well or not. If my parents don't like it, I'll have escaped making a BIG COMMITMENT. At the same time, though, I may miss out on "the one."