Nervous Nelly

Now that I've actually accepted an offer and turned down another one, I feel locked in and way too nervous. I've been running around trying to take care of everything before I start working again. It's like getting your affairs in order before dying, and it feels the same way. I don't expect to see much of my family or friends, or my home, in coming days.

At the same time, my body is reacting strangely, like it's shutting itself down - it's harder and harder for me to get out of bed in the mornings, and often, I go all day without eating or drinking and feel no hunger or thirst. Maybe it's not that my body is shutting down, but that my mind has become disconnected from my body.

I went to get a haircut yesterday - I figured it was less sick than other forms of cutting, and might be similarly therapeutic. Unfortunately, the stylist was nervous, as many of them usually are when confronted with a request for drastic change. My hair has grown quite long since I cut and donated it last year. I asked her to cut it short again, but she wouldn't. So now it's layered, but otherwise looks the same. Disappointing. She also admired my highlights and asked who had done the coloring. I had to tell her that it was my natural mutt-colored hair, a remnant from long-forgotten Portuguese or Dutch ancestors, enhanced by UV radiation, salt water, and chlorine.